


drunken words are sober thoughts

by cysvel



Category: Gaya Sa Pelikula (Web Series)
Genre: Drinking, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cysvel/pseuds/cysvel
Summary: prompt 103."What if... in *that night*... the door was unlocked and it wasn't Vlad that was drunk but Karl?"told in parts following the stages of alcohol intoxication.
Relationships: Karl Frederick Almasen/Jose Vladimir Austria
Comments: 5
Kudos: 63
Collections: Kilometer Zero: A GSP Prompt Fest 2021





	drunken words are sober thoughts

**the first stage is sobriety.**

“Vlad, inom ka pa.”

“I told you, I’m only having one drink.”

Sobriety is the first stage of alcohol intoxication, and some may even argue it isn’t included in the stages at all. At one drink, a person should feel like their normal self.

Sober was Vladimir Austria in the far corner of this crowded bar, seated alone with his ex-boyfriend who casually invited him for a drink. If you knew of Vlad Austria, you knew he would never back down from anything. That’s what he tells himself, at least—that he joined Aldous tonight because he wanted to prove that he had long gotten over the much older and accomplished cinema prodigy and not because he wanted to escape the memories that were haunting him from the unit next door.

And so here he is, sitting with a man who once broke his heart. His hand is wrapped around the neck of a chilled beer bottle, bubbles slowly rising to the surface like the tension building up between them.

Aldous always had this air of confidence about him, but right now it’s different. Vlad knew him well enough to know that there was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Later, he would affirm this, but then he would also question if he really knew Aldous at all.

“You know what, if you have something to say, just say it. I’m not here to wait.” Vlad tries to say this nonchalantly but the spite bit. _Mental note, spite is better than nonchalance._ _One drink is better than none at all. Consider yourself lucky, A._

Aldous hesitates, taking another sip of his beer. He’s delaying it, whatever it is. Vlad gives him another stern look, and before Aldous could process the notable growth in the face of the boy he once hurt—who he is about to hurt again—he sighs and says: “Alright. Here goes nothing.”

\---

A few hundred meters from the bar— also sober – was Karl Almasen. He is in his uncle’s apartment, a second cup of rice hovering over the rice cooker, few grains falling into the bowl before he stops himself.

No. Just one. Just enough.

He shakily returns the cup of rice into the container as he looks around this empty house. Faint images manifest in every corner his eyes stray to. And they were the same character: A broad-shouldered boy with hair soft as clouds, whose eyes bore witness to tragedy and love, who spoke with a voice as tantalizing as it was heartbreaking.

_Miss mo ‘ko, Arki?_

Why did Karl ask to stay here again? Was the convenience of the apartment being close to the university worth the violent face-slapping hit of nostalgia and regret?

God forbid these walls talk.

Karl returns all of the rice back into the container and retrieves a jacket from his closet. He couldn’t bring himself to cook, so he decides to go down to the nearby convenience store instead. At the convenience store he spots the wide variety of alcoholic drinks on the shelves and thinks.

_Good idea? Bad idea. Good idea? Bad._

Now Karl was never one to drink, doesn’t even have much knowledge on alcohol, but he sees the bottles in their compartment and thinks _he deserves this, doesn’t he?_

A faint whisper in his head says yes, and he purchases a few bottles.

**the second stage is euphoria.**

Aldous cheated.

He fell in love with a guy while he was still in a relationship with Vlad.

He started reciting this suspiciously scripted speech about being happy with this other person, the euphoria of being free and showing off their love. He tells him of how a spark with this person—who Vlad now knows is named Paul—was almost something supernatural, something he has never felt before. He tells Vlad that he found something good, and he does not intend on letting it go.

And yet all the while, as Aldous detailed his betrayal, Vlad’s mind was elsewhere.

“I’m sorry, Vlad.” Aldous finishes telling his story. This revelation meant one thing to Vlad, and that meant cutting off the last thread of whatever it was that tethered them to each other.

He still makes a scene, of course, as Vlad Austria does.

“How. Fucking. Dare. You!” Vlad shouts, making sure to raise his voice with every word. He dramatically stands up from his seat, pretends to wobble. “You sell-out! You cheater! I wish you eternal happiness with your new partner, you useless scum of the earth. Atsaka sana never manalo yung mga pelikula mo ng major acting awards.”

Aldous is silent. He knows he deserves this.

“You always made me feel small and wrong and not good enough, but guess what, A? I am.” Vlad says. “I am good enough, at least better than you. _Dahil hindi ako katulad mo, at ayokong maging katulad mo_.”

End scene.

He runs out of the bar to the bewilderment of everyone there, Aldous left sitting in shame and guilt and the clarity that Vlad was not anymore the starry eyed buddy he once mentored. Gone was the boy he once thought he could mentor.

In his place was somebody who spoke with spunk, with principle, with unquivering talent and potential. Vlad always had that, but right now it’s all the more magnified. He is now everything that Aldous is wary of challenging.

\--

Vlad continues to run, letting his mind race with him. And when he gets far enough, he stops, panting. He laughs.

All this time, he thought it was something he did. All this time, he thought he lacked, he spent nights poring over the thought that the breakup was his fault. But it wasn’t.

Vlad loved him deeply and faithfully, and Aldous threw all of that away. Now, even after his confession of his infidelity, Vlad doesn’t feel anything because it doesn’t matter. Alcohol was supposed to make things foggier, but things are clearer now.

“Aldous you fucking idiot,” Vlad laughs to himself in the middle of the road. “You funny fucking bastard. Di na masakit. _Holy shit._ Di na ako nasasaktan dahil sa’yo.” He pauses. “Di na dahil sa’yo.”

Vlad’s triumphant laugh echoes through the street.  
  


**the third stage is excitement.**

There are people who drink to forget. Karl knew Tito Santi used to do this on the multiple times he got heartbroken, drinking bottles alone in this condo by himself. He takes a sip from his second bottle, his brain starting to feel wavy.

_Hindi ka madaling kalimutan, Vlad.  
Ayaw kitang kalimutan._

There are people who drink to forget, but Karl knows that was the last thing he wanted right now. Karl knew about the stages of intoxication, but he wasn't trying to get through all of them tonight and end up being the ghost that haunts this apartment floor. He figured he'd probably get around stage four. Stage five at most. 

He knew it was unscientific, but a part of him hopes to conjure up something from drunkenness. Someone. He wonders how many sips of this drink would suffice to make his visions clearer. He wonders if he finishes his fourth bottle, he’d be able to touch him.

He imagines Vlad seated on the floor in front of the television set, turning to him, asking.

_Arki, anong papanoorin natin tonight?_

And Karl has only one answer.

\---

Downstairs, Vlad had just arrived in the condominium lobby. He takes his time walking up to his unit when he notices it.

A faint sound of a familiar song from the unit next door.

 _Ikaw ay isang rosas na humahalimuyak_  
na wala nang katulad  
sa hardin ng mga bulaklak…

\---

After Vlad left the unit after that cursed dinner, he took almost everything with him. _Almost._

Karl thought he had nothing to remember him by, but he is reminded when Anna comes over the next day with the flash drive of the movie Vlad created and presented to him in the gazebo. He never had the courage to watch it again after the initial viewing.

His view of the world is foggy now because of the alcohol in his system, but he was still conscious enough to set the movie up on his television screen. It starts to play—first a black screen with yellow text at the bottom—followed by a montage of scenes from that surreal month he and Vlad spent together.

_“Dear Karl.”_

Karl’s eyes is glued to the TV screen as he watches one of the most memorable parts of his life play out. Watching films with Vlad, him stealing glances while Karl dips his chips in soda, Vlad recording him doing the most mundane things such as cleaning or working. He remembers how annoying it was to him at first, having Vlad record his every move, but he saw this film that Vlad made and it all made sense. At the bottom of the frames, text was written to form the message:

_“I look forward to the movies you’ll be writing and I’m sure they’ll be better than this. But for now, I hope this suffices. The last month felt like getting drawn into a screen -- a film I wasn’t meant to be in, one I could’ve easily been written out of -- thank you for writing me in. It’s been swell._

_See you outside, please. We deserve it. Don’t you think?_

_Vlad”_

Karl knows they do.

But not yet. He takes another sip out of the bottle and the world gets blurrier now. He doesn’t really know if it’s the alcohol or the tears in his eyes. He discards the empty bottle aside along with the others he has finished.

_Karl… are you drunk?_

His imaginary caricature of Vlad whispers beside him. He turns to him with effort, and reaches out to touch his face. He expects thin air, but then his hands meet the softness of the other boy’s cheek.

He’s finally drunk enough to touch him.

“I’m drunk… I love you.”

**the fourth stage is confusion.**

Vlad would recognize that song anywhere. For one, it was one of his favorite songs from one of his all-time favorite plays, Mula Sa Buwan.

He had avoided listening to that song for a while now, for obvious reasons. Obvious reasons being he used the song as background music for a video montage he made for Karl, which he first viewed on the night when Vlad also left him.

It was an eventful night. It hurt to remember. Just as his brain was starting to recall the confrontation in the gazebo, something propelled him to walk towards Tito Sants’ unit as if there was a gravitational pull from the inside of it. He finds out it’s unlocked. He doesn’t know what he’d expect to see behind this door, if he’d be disappointed or surprised.

He feels his heart drum violently against his chest, but he pushes the door back anyway. The song is louder now.

Vlad stands at the doorway, and a million memories are flung at him unwarranted. The sink where they used to fight over who was going to wash the dishes. The couch where he fell asleep in on the first several nights before Karl made space in his bed for him. The mirrors, the table, the all-too familiar space. And most of all, the boy who is sat in front of the TV screen which is currently playing the film Vlad made for him a while back.

And in an instant, everything that happened earlier today is irrelevant to right now.

Karl’s here. 

“Karl?” Vlad calls his name, but the boy doesn’t respond. His eyes are still fixated on the movie on the screen. Karl also doesn’t seem to notice when he walks closer.

Worry washes over Vlad as he slowly sits next to Karl on the floor. He is only a few inches away, but Vlad is determined to keep his distance.

“Karl… are you drunk?” Vlad asks. The film ends and it fades to black, with their silhouettes reflected on the black screen. Karl tilts his head towards him, letting out a small drunk giggle.

“I’m drunk… I love you.” Karl slurs, his hand touching Vlad’s cheek, and Vlad’s eyes open in shock. His whole body freezes.

“Karl—“

“2017.” Karl continues. “I’m Drunk, I Love You. 2017. Gandang pelikula. Sino director non?”

“JP Habac.” Vlad answers, the beat of his heart slowing down. A movie title game, just like they used to do. _He didn’t say those words. Yet. Calm down._

“Written by?”

“JP Habac and Giancarlo Abrahan.”

“Tama!” Karl smiles a very drunken smile, his eyes completely disappearing, long lashes floating on the mounds of his cheeks. “Galing galing mo.”

“Madali lang naman yun,” Vlad says. He scans around the unit and sees the haphazardly discarded bottles of alcohol near Karl, some of them unfinished, the liquid soaking the floor.

 _Ikaw naman ang makalat ngayon,_ Vlad smugly thinks to himself. _And a lightweight too._

“Alak pa,” Vlad whispers. “Bakit ka ba naglalasing, ha, Karl?”

“Karl ka nang Karl. Hindi ako si Karl. Sino ba si Karl?” Karl drunkenly says, to which Vlad shakes his head in confusion and yet smiles at how adorable this is. “Call me Arki. Gusto ko pag tinatawag mo kong Arki. Call me… Arki.”

Vlad’s jaw clenches. “Okay… Arki.”

“Kahit na magshishift na ako… I’ll always be. Your. Arki.” Karl tells him, and Vlad recalls how they got into the precarious situation of living together during the sem break—a deal wherein he, a film student, would be teaching Karl the basics of film, in exchange of being his housemate as Vlad didn’t have anywhere else to stay. He smiles at the thought.

“Hay nako, Arki. Ang hina mo talaga uminom. “

Karl playfully slaps his arm. “Anong mahina? Ang strong ko nga eh. Kinaya ko ngang mawala ka.”

It feels as though there was an unknown force that squeezed Vlad’s heart. The excruciating pain he felt the night he left was coming back to him. “Yes, Arki. You’re strong.”

“Mm-hmm. Strong ako. Pero hindi matapang. Hindi kasing tapang tulad mo.” Karl says, his puppy dog eyes on full display, glassy with tears. “Gusto mo pa rin ba ako kahit hindi pa ako matapang?”

“Don’t you know by now?”

“Ha?”

“Wala.”

“May sinasabi ka eh.”

“No Karl… Arki. I just.” Vlad sighs. “I just wanted to say. Hindi dahil hindi ka pa matapang ay hindi ka na kamahal-mahal.” 

Karl’s eyes start to leak uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, Vlad. I’m sorry.”

**the fifth stage is stupor.**

“Hey, hey,” Vlad says reassuringly. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who should say sorry. Sorry dahil pinilit ko. Sorry that I tried to take you with me.”

“Vlad… sorry, sorry na nasaktan kita.” Karl buries his head in Vlad’s neck, which then becomes drenched with tears. “Di ko sinasadya.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I hurt you too,” Vlad says. “I missed you. _Fuck, I missed you._ ”

And he means it. Never mind all the hurt from the night he left this unit, never mind the revelation of betrayal earlier tonight. Karl is everything that matters. Perhaps he’s the only thing that ever made sense the way he did and yet, the one thing that he just couldn’t quite get.

Karl retracts his head from its position on Vlad’s neck, tears falling down and darkening Vlad’s denim jeans. Vlad cups the other boy’s face in his hand and uses it to wipe off the tears. Their eyes look into each other’s, and Vlad’s eyes travel to Karl’s soft lips and faintly remembers the last time it touched his. Karl’s hand creeps up to the base of Vlad’s neck, as if to say, _you don’t have to wonder anymore_.

Karl’s mouth tastes familiar and not just because of the alcohol he’s consumed. His salty tears make their way into the kiss and for a moment they melt into it, innocent and tender. A reminder and an affirmation of feelings, whatever they are.

Vlad is the one who pulls away. Not because it feels wrong, but because it doesn’t feel right either. When Karl doesn’t want to think, he deflects this way. As the recipient of these kisses, anyone could think that Vlad would be thankful for this, and he is, he’s happy he’s gotten to taste his lips the few times he’s been able to, but he couldn’t help but ponder if there would ever be a time when a kiss between them could just exist beyond these walls and not turn into something to regret?

There is still so much they have to talk about, so much pain they still need to work through, but Vlad is hopeful.

Karl rests his head once more on Vlad’s shoulder. Vlad lets it sit there for a while, Karl’s almost-silent sobs juxtaposed with the beating of his chest.

“Arki, do you want to go up?” Vlad asks. “Arki?”

Karl doesn’t respond, as he had already fallen asleep. Vlad faintly smiles. _What a lightweight._

Now Vlad isn’t the most athletic person ever, but he musters all the strength in his body to carry Karl up to his bedroom. He lays him down gently, and Karl scoots farther in the bed, as if to give him room. Vlad crawls into the bed with him, and pulls the blanket over both of them.

“Vlad?” Karl murmurs, half-consciously.

“Yes, Arki?”

“Dito… dito ka nalang muna.” Karl moves closer to Vlad, erasing the space between them.

Vlad caresses Karl’s arm reassuringly and says, “Okay.”

Somewhere hidden in the crevices of Vlad’s messy mind are moments like this. Oh, how he missed this, missed his warmth. Missed lying in bed with him, missed waking up next to him. Missed everything about him. If the world allowed it, they would’ve stayed like this forever.

“Vlad?” Karl whispers again.

“Mm-hmm?”

“Mahal kita.”

Vlad doesn’t fall for it this time. “Is this another movie?”

“Mahal kita,” Karl says stronger this time, as if his words were trying to fight off the drunkenness. “Di ko.. di ko nasabi dati. Pero mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita.”

Vlad sighs. “Lasing ka lang, Arki.”

Karl repeats it again. “Mahal kita, Vlad. Mahal kita.”

Vlad’s breath hitches. Could he actually mean it?

He runs his hand through Karl’s hair and presses their foreheads together. He thanks himself for only having one drink earlier that night.

“Tell me again when you’re sober.”

**the sixth stage is coma.**

Karl is still asleep when Vlad leaves in the middle of the night. He leaves a kiss on his forehead before he does, and whispers, _“See you outside, Arki, okay?”_

He takes his time, walking down the wooden staircase. Vlad picks up the bottles Karl left on the floor and takes them to the sink. He isn’t one to clean, but seeing as Karl would most likely be hungover when he wakes up, Vlad wanted to save him a little bit of the headache.

\--

He then goes to the comfort room they shared.

His toothbrush is still there.

**the seventh stage is death.**

And Karl knows that death is inevitable but thankfully a few bottles weren’t enough to kill him, just enough to give him a piercing headache.

His foggy memories show up in his brain in short cuts, and he smiles at the thought of how clear and crisp his imagination of Vlad was and wonders if he had to keep drinking to be able to see him and touch him.

His thoughts are disturbed by a painful ringing in his ears and then he notices something’s left on the pillow.

His convenience store receipt, with smudged writing behind it which said:

_Arki,_

_I made hangover cure, it’s in your fridge. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay until you woke up._

_Take care of yourself okay?_

_\- Who else?_

\--

When he walks out of his unit later that day to attend his first class, his guest from the night before walks out of his own unit at the same time, rockstar headphones on his ears, tired face from a seemingly lack of sleep, presumably because of a long night looking after his drunk neighbor.

He stops in his tracks when he sees Karl. Something clicks in Karl’s brain which affirms what he’s been thinking about all morning. Vlad from the night before wasn’t a hallucination

Vlad’s voice from that night creep into Karl’s thoughts. _“Tell me again when you’re sober.”_

They look at each other as if they were thinking of the same thing.

The alcohol hasn't fully left Karl's body yet. _I’ll say it another time._

Karl reassuringly smiles at him instead and says, “Hi, neighbor.”


End file.
